I was fortunate enough to sit down with someone little and green, and humorous, who has an affinity for pizza. No, it wasn’t a baby Mutant Ninja Turtle, or Kermit the Frog. (Does Kermit have an affinity for pizza?) It was our new friend, Zonks the Alien. Zonks has been sharing his hilarious and other-worldly thoughts about humanity, current news, and pizza; on Twitter and Facebook. In my interview with him, he spoke about where he comes from, why humans are the hipsters of the universe, his favorite sci-fi TV shows and movies, his thoughts on other alien races, and if aliens are plotting to invade Earth. Below, are my questions and his answers:
1.) Why did you come to Earth?
I would like to say it was out of curiosity for the human race but there was nothing special about Earth. I mean it’s just a small rock out in the middle of nowhere. I was on my way back home when my friend Fleebles insisted we stop off . We did but he got excited when he saw a cow and crashed the starship. That was back in 1947. We have been stuck here ever since.
2.) Where are you from? What’s the name of your race? How far is your home planet from Earth? Can you give a brief description of what your home world is like?
I’m from the planet Flubel 6. We are Flubellians. We have some different variations like Fleebles is a Flubellian too, but he’s from Flubel 7. Sadly, he’s the last of his kind. I have no idea how far my planet is from Earth. I’m not really clever. Humans often ask me stuff like that but I’m like “Hey can you explain how your iphone works? No? Ok, well don’t ask me.” There’s no alcohol or pizza on my home planet so I’m not that in a hurry to get back. It’s bigger than Earth but a lot more swampy and has less gravity.
3.) What region(s) of Earth are you visiting? How do you like it there?
I currently reside in the desert in a little place called Groom Lake in Nevada. The Earthlings here don’t like me to leave, but when I do sneak out, I usually go to fast food places nearby. If there’s a Dominoes Pizza nearby, I will be there. I have visited many of your places of interest. Stonehenge is cool along with the pyramids. It’s a shame you have not figured out what they were built for yet. But hey, when you find out, you’ll kick yourself.
4.) What do you think of humans?
They taste nice with a bit of cayenne pepper ….oh wait, you mean in general. Erm ok. Forget that last part. Such a weird species. You argue a lot and have a lot of wars. It’s silly really. I think fighting a war against somebody else that you don’t know because your leaders don’t get along, is a crazy idea. Basically I think those who start wars should be the ones who fight in them. Put it on PPV. Who wouldn’t pay to watch Trump vs Kim Jong-Un in a boxing match ? Loser leaves Earth?
5.) What things do you like most about humans? What things do you like the least?
You have the ability to make such beautiful things like art and music. That’s a rare find in this universe. Sorry to say it, but you are kind of like the Hipsters of the universe, just messing around, making stuff for fun and being offended at everything possible. Who I like the least is Taylor Swift, but I cant really count her. She’s an Alien too. Basically I can’t stand modern popular music. It all sounds the same to me. Give me AC/DC every time.
6.) What’s a normal day like in the life of Zonks?
I get up late, eat some pancakes, sausage and eggs (thanks for that humans). Then I meet with some CIA dudes. Then after that, I sit around, watch some cat videos on youtube and order pizza. Then maybe attempt to capture the ancient reptilian overlord Sumer Rein but I usually get distracted by watching re-runs of Cheers and Seinfeld on TV. That Kramer has got to be an alien.
7.) What’s the coolest thing you’ve done here on Earth? And the coolest person (or people) you’ve met?
I worked as a film set advisor in the late 1960’s, but the less I say about that the better. Let’s just say I was a Shining example, and always there like Clockwork. Apart from when I left the studio door open and the flag started to wave. Oops I’ve said too much … Kubrick still owes me money anyway.
8.) I know you love pizza. Do you have pizza on your planet, or did you have it here for the first time?
We don’t have pizza, and everywhere I’ve been in this universe, I’ve tasted nothing better than pizza. Basically, it’s stopping Earth from being blown up, it tastes that good.
9.) Have you met other life forms on other planets besides us humans here on Earth, (and Kreyatons)?
I spent my first few hours on Earth talking to a vending machine. I thought it was the most intelligent life on this planet. Sometimes I still think it is. There’s so many to mention. The Reptilians are probably the most dangerous ones out there. The Greys are the most annoying, and the Nordics are just pretentious. Kreyatons are cool as they also like to try human food along with me.
10.) What are your favorite sci-fi TV shows and movies?
Ohh I do watch a lot! My personal favorites are Sliders #BringbackSliders and Star Trek. I’m a big lover of Guardians of the Galaxy films. They’re just a lot of fun and weirdly accurate. But Star Trek is my all time favorite. Spock is my favorite character, and Kirk is my favorite Captain. Ok ok, I know there are a lot of Picard fan boys out there but come on, Kirk is way cooler. I used to like the X-Files as I was an extra in a few episodes. Man in cafe #2 was my role. I always felt I was underused. I mean alien roles for aliens.
11.) I noticed you are friends with alien explorer, Lex Kepler. How did you two meet? Did you know each other beforehand, or did you meet here on Earth?
We met here on Earth. It’s always nice to meet a fellow alien. Lex is more into studying the human behavior than I am. I’m just interested in what’s the latest stuffed crust from Dominoes. I think she is way more intelligent than me.
12.) Are other aliens planning to invade Earth?
It happens sometimes, but it often gets put off by the craziest of reasons. One time, every single alien race all turned up on the same day to invade Earth, but the ongoing bureaucratic negotiations got so tedious over who gets to invade Earth, that everyone got bored and went home. There is one major threat to the human race and that is Sumer Rein. He’s an ancient Reptilian overlord that is here on Earth, and I am the reason why he is here.
But don’t worry Earthlings, I’ll do my best to save the world from Sumer Rein.
You can follow my adventures on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook all @Zonksthealien .