WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a stunning revelation Friday, the Thirteenth Doctor, a Time Lord commonly referred to as simply the Doctor, announced that she has traveled through time to warn the American citizenry that President Donald Trump is, in fact, a member of the Dalek race, a species that perpetuates hatred and seeks to exterminate any being that is not also a Dalek.
“He may look roughly human,” the Doctor explained, “but he’s disguising himself using holographic technology. Exactly where the technology came from and how the Daleks acquired it are matters for debate, but believe you me, the current President of the United States is, beyond the shadow of a doubt, a Dalek.”
When asked for evidence to support that claim, the Doctor replied, “Well, it just makes sense, doesn’t it? Look at his cabinet appointees. He might as well appoint the Face of Boe as Secretary of Marathon Running.”
“He doesn’t seem to care much about the health, education, or general wellbeing of the American people,” the Doctor continued. “In fact, he seems to be trying to pit the people against one another through prejudice and fear – if that doesn’t scream Dalek, I don’t know what does.”
“It’s all part of a larger plot,” said the Doctor. “Trump wants to weaken the country, run it into the ground, and from there, move on to do the same to the other nations of the world. He’s paving the way for a Dalek takeover of the entire planet.”
When asked what steps can be taken to prevent such an outcome, the Doctor answered, “My best suggestion? Pack as many people as possible into the T.A.R.D.I.S. before it’s too late. It’s bigger on the inside.”